(After learning that the Crayola Virus was not real, I turned my attention to learning about the Coronavirus….)
Those who know me best know that when I get focused on something I sometimes don’t pay much attention to what is going on around me. Maybe like when I nearly started a whole new epidemic the other day when I was after a cookie and mis-heard the TV about this new disease and announced the Crayola Virus to the world!
Anyway, I had the TV on so I would catch the update on crowd limits and other precautions for the real virus. Trouble is, I was thinking and writing and the TV sound was drowning out my thoughts. So, I put the TV on mute and activated the Closed Captioning feature. I can read the TV scripts and notice when pertinent comments come across, even when I am working on my latest article or sermon.
So, I did notice when the announcement came scrolling across the screen and I stopped to read it. However, our tv is kind of old and it’s Closed Captioning feature leaves a little to be desired. My initial reaction to the new policies was understandably a bit skewed.
I was immediately thrown off balance when they told me I should listen to the CDs. I thought most people had gone digital, not CDs. Anyway, I expected the crowd limitations would be changed, but when they suggested that the crowd be no more than “filthy” I was shocked! I was okay with “cuffing” our sleeves and while practicing good “hijinx” might be fun, I didn’t see how it would help at all! But when they told me to practice “social dancing,” I decided I just could NOT comply! After all, I am a married man and worse than that, I am a Baptist minister! We don’t even dance in public with our wives!
Well, this put me in quite an awkward fix until my wife – you know, the one I don’t dance with – came in from the other room to see what was going on. You see, I had pulled up an imaginary soapbox and had begun to protest. After all, I had been exempt from square dancing in the 4th grade during recess because I was a Baptist! How could I in good conscience practice “social dancing!?”. This might even be governmental intrusion into the free practice of my religion!
My wife interrupted a pretty good speech and asked what in the world I was talking about. After I told her what I had read, she explained that our Closed Captioning was pathetic and what they actually said was to listen to the CDC, not CDs! Crowds were limited to not more than fifty, rather than not more than “filthy” and we were to practice good hygiene, not hijinx! Well, all that made good sense. I could go along with all of that, but what about this “social dancing?”. She pointed out that apparently our Closed Captioning had omitted the “i-s-t” in the middle of distancing. We are to practice social distancing!
Well, I had apparently just wasted a perfectly good tirade against over-reaching authority and unrealistic policies regarding my two left feet and possibly my religion. I’m just glad that no one but my wife and this private online journal I write in will ever know about my blunder!
(Update: the Pres said not to gather in groups of more than 10! I have a friend who has 8 daughters and 1 son which makes a family of 11. The boy eats supper in his room to comply!)