I would never make fun of someone who has a disease or is even just ill. Well, not anyone seriously ill. Okay, I’ve done that, too, but only because I believe laughter is truly a great medicine! Anyway, I recently posted some comments on Facebook about something I called the Crayola Virus. It was supposed to give us a little humor about the current situation in our country about the Coronavirus and what seems to be a panic. With all the hype and misinformation and subsequent panic-driven activity around the nation, I figured we could use a laugh and perhaps it might even cause some to step back and take a good look at what’s going on before joining in the fray.
I do not post much on social media and almost never with the thought of changing someone’s mind about almost anything. I am still waiting to hear from the first person who changed his or her mind after reading a Facebook post on religion or politics. After hearing about all the nonsense going on in response to this new virus, I decided to post a little satire piece. Not to change the world, but just to laugh at it a little. Here is what I wrote:
I don’t watch much news – can’t believe most of it anyway – so I was a little shocked to hear there’s some new disease going around. I just heard a little from the other room, but it got me worried about the kids. I think they said it was a Crayola Virus.
I guess you get it from using other kids’ crayons or something. Some schools have closed. Parents and grandparents need to take those pictures off their refrigerators! I’d say just use the same precautions we used back in the day for cooties and other stuff – don’t touch the other kids, wipe your nose, wash your hands, and for heaven’s sake – stop eating the crayons!
(2nd post) More about this Crayola Virus: I’m not a doctor, but I played one in the Christmas play in grade school one year – I think it was 4th grade, but I’m not sure. Anyway, my advice? Take two cookies and call me in the morning!
(3rd post) I’ve done a little research on the Crayola Virus. It seems there are over 100 different colors! Each color brings its own variation to the bug and therefore might present the symptoms differently. (I learned to use that term “present” by watching TV doctors!)
The degree of seriousness of the virus depends on the color and how you contracted it. If you merely took someone else’s crayon and used it, you have only made contact with the virus through touch. I don’t think you can get it at all from using your own crayons – likely why you were taught NOT to take someone else’s crayons in the first place! You should have listened. What do you do now? Suck it up (No, not the crayon!) – it won’t be too bad – and don’t do it again!
If you got the virus from eating a crayon, well, the good news is your stomach acids likely had a positive effect on the virus and minimized its negative effect on you! What to do? I told you before – take two cookies. The sugar will accelerate the production of stomach acids and eventually totally destroy the virus. If symptoms persist more than a few hours, eat more cookies!
On the other hand, if you got the virus by sticking a crayon up your nose, well, that’s a virus of a different color. In your nose, the virus was sniffed right into your lungs! (please excuse the technical terms) No stomach acids there to counteract the virus. If the virus somehow did not survive the trip to your lungs, the smell of the crayon alone might make you sick anyway! That’ll pass, and cookies will help even if you don’t have the virus. And if they’re homemade, the aroma of the baking will more than counteract the odor of the crayon!
Assuming you sniffed the virus into your lungs and it survived, then you likely do have a serious case of Crayola Virus. Drawing upon my extensive experience as a gradeschool-play doctor – we had to practice a few weeks to get it right! – I’d say you’ll definitely need more that two cookies! Perhaps several over the next few days. And plenty of bedrest – no school for sure and hopefully not much work, though that may depend on whether you want to keep your job!
Sooner or later, with some common sense prevention and treatment (and cookies – did I mention cookies?), you should be able to handle it. Of course, we all know by now there is very little common sense out there to draw from, so you had better use your own! Do not, I repeat do not, listen to the media or politicians on this. Most of them cannot even color inside the lines! Doctors? Well, sometimes I wonder if they know how to color either, but then I was just a kid when I was a doctor, so it’s likely medicine has come a long way since then.
Please disregard all previous posts about the Crayola Virus. I recently learned that I heard the TV wrong! Sometimes it’s hard to hear the TV in the living room while sneaking cookies in the kitchen. Anyway, apparently there is no such thing as the Crayola Virus. Well, there wasn’t until I posted about it! Since then there have been several reported cases – oops, my bad!
To be continued… see More Crayola